Best First Sentence For A Novel [UPDATE: CONTEST CLOSED, WINNER ANNOUNCED]
UPDATE: WINNER ANNOUNCED. READ THE WINNING ENTRY HERE:
For a novel about:
A genius waitress who discovers the secret to unlocking the power of deuterium — and the customer who loves her, but loves her discovery even more.
Rules and guidelines:
The winner receives a $100.00 cash prize.
You can submit anonymously or under your real name, it doesn’t matter.
No outrageous run-ons.
No minimum length requirement, but one sentence only please.
Submit as many separate entries as you’d like.
Leave your sentence in the comments section below.
The winner will be selected by the Journal Pulp.
The contest will run from June 12, 2012, through June 24th, 2012.
Important: If your sentence doesn’t immediately appear in the comments after you’ve submitted, it’s almost certainly because of this confoundingly aggressive ASKIMET spam filter. Please note that I check the spam folder carefully and regularly, I do not censor, and that your sentence if it’s not spam will be approved. There is no need to resend.
By and by, she would disclose herself to his wanton caprice and would fuel his lustful eyes, but every one of her appearances was like the twinkle of evanescent stars.
e9barreto
June 13, 2012 at 2:34 am
Every unapprehended gaze blossomed in his thoughts like the flowers behind which she hid.
e9barreto
June 13, 2012 at 2:36 am
Floccinaucinihilipilification only happens
in silly conversations between old men.
e9barreto
June 13, 2012 at 2:44 am
It was a good night that night, after all, you told me you didn’t like me, and left unmentioned that you probably never would.
e9barreto
June 13, 2012 at 2:48 am
“That was a damn good cup of coffee!”
e9barreto
June 13, 2012 at 2:50 am
He watched the rain drops sink into the mud through the window; he thought the sky was crying then, but really, the tears were his.
e9barreto
June 13, 2012 at 2:54 am
The wooing was like any other; he boasted about feats (both ‘almost real’ and ‘completely fabricated’) while she studied him, amidst half smiles and vague nods of false agreement.
e9barreto
June 13, 2012 at 3:00 am
Those few moments had been so enjoyable that he found it easy to pretend they were just concluding a week of infatuating advances and coquetting.
e9barreto
June 13, 2012 at 3:04 am
She attempted to imprison nature in her drawing as one does a butterfly in a jar – watching it slowly die in an unsuited habitat.
e9barreto
June 13, 2012 at 3:08 am
Incongruously, she served coffee almost like a machine – one from which dissimilarity of productivity could always be expected.
e9barreto
June 13, 2012 at 3:11 am
I keep trying to remind myself how simple breathing is, when I find myself thinking about my wifes final words to me before she left.
Breanna Wright
June 13, 2012 at 3:52 am
There was a small trickle of blood that began to emerge unnoticed from her right ear, as she continued to address the audience unaware of what was about to occur.
margaret e. abernathy
June 13, 2012 at 4:36 pm
The folly lay in her choice of words.
Sahm Ataine King
June 13, 2012 at 4:53 pm
The tedious day lingers as Dianna counts out her daily tips, shaking her head she wonders to herself, “How the Hell did I end up here.”
Kelly
June 13, 2012 at 5:24 pm
If he’s still sitting there when her shift ends, she decides, she’ll go out the back door.
Laura Huizenga
June 13, 2012 at 5:57 pm
He saw her standing there, staring back at him, as if it were one of those shocking moments you see on TV, when a guy sees the love of his life from across the room and the world goes silent.
Karla Gal
June 13, 2012 at 6:26 pm
As she brought him another “just one more” peice of pie, she wondered exactly where he was putting it, considering his stringy, less than impressive stature.
Scott stalions
June 13, 2012 at 7:23 pm
Those Goddamn pants.
Flick Mcfadden
June 13, 2012 at 8:09 pm
It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents — except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness.
byable
June 13, 2012 at 9:30 pm
Her feet hurt, she’d been standing too goddamned long.
DL
June 13, 2012 at 9:55 pm
She thought he was stalking her.
DL
June 13, 2012 at 9:58 pm
He came there every day, before and after work, but he didn’t notice the tattoo of a single hydrogen atom on the nape of her neck until today.
rapideyemvmt
June 13, 2012 at 10:36 pm
It was getting hot; it was getting heavy, and it wouldn’t last much longer.
Gavin Cross
June 13, 2012 at 10:43 pm
“… bel Peace Prize goes too…” *she awakens, startled and suddenly very scared, but optimistic of her dream*
Drahcir Enyap
June 13, 2012 at 10:52 pm
Today was the day she was going to shock the world.
Alex Der
June 13, 2012 at 10:58 pm
As the storm outside grew to nearly a Category 4 status, Jimmy burst through the door, quickly shrugged off his soaked leather jacket and slid into the nearest booth…Her booth.
Rachael
June 13, 2012 at 11:01 pm
“Don’t get too excited; it’s heavier than it looks.”
Richard Payne
June 13, 2012 at 11:02 pm
They were there everyday; he had not appreciated her until now.
Loyal Discretion
June 13, 2012 at 11:08 pm
“Hydro-heli-wha-,” managed Daniel, as he hefted another slice of pie.
Sun Shine
June 13, 2012 at 11:19 pm
What is life without the moments that define who we are?
Tylene
June 14, 2012 at 12:20 am
His eyes upon the sublime curve of her bent form, unmindful as she poured his coffee, lit his pulsing heart aflame for the chemistry: oh, he loved the weight of her charming wit, but it was the delicious promise behind ‘heavy hydrogen’ that consumed him.
Jacob
June 14, 2012 at 1:10 am
He is a man.
RCM
June 14, 2012 at 3:32 am
His gaze wasconvincing her that his love was true and all her efforts would be worth the wait.
Jeff
June 14, 2012 at 3:57 am
Why shouldn’t she?
JPS
June 14, 2012 at 4:42 am
I really should have known better.
Elizabeth
June 14, 2012 at 4:47 am
He was loath to admit it later, but it was her round ass, testing the tensile strength of a rather unfortunate uniform as she bent to retrieve an errant fork that first caught his attention, however, he might never have thought of her again had she not pulled out a copy of “Modern Physics Review” while sitting at the booth by the restroom during her break.
cerebellum
June 14, 2012 at 4:54 am
An atomic weight of 2.014.
Stephen Johnson
June 14, 2012 at 5:05 am
I couldn’t decide which fascinated me more, the way she lit up a room when she walked in, or the idea she had to light every light in the city.
kasparov1
June 14, 2012 at 5:05 am
More than two decades of life experience had taught Jenilynne that the world generally did not expect great things from women named “Jenilynne.”
cerebellum
June 14, 2012 at 5:24 am
As the word deuterium came vehemently out of her unwearied lips, the same thought came to mind that had been going through it since I first moved to this town six months ago for yet another hydrology assignment, and had my first cup of coffee here at Lakeshore diner, “how could this brilliant woman (in every sense of the word) be waiting tables when she should be receiving the Nobel Prize for her scientific prowess alone?”
coellshir
June 14, 2012 at 6:11 am
she was a common waiter who had done what scientist couldnt have acheived in years , and he loved her … but he loved deuturium even more.
Niem Stryvin Wright
June 14, 2012 at 12:45 pm
When she met him again, it would’ve helped to know that the war hadn’t got the killing out of his system.
Jeannie Reed
June 14, 2012 at 1:13 pm
“Maybe I’m a jerk, but I don’t see you pushin’ around a retard,” responded Butch, a human moth-eaten pocket-T with golden underarms balloon.
inwalkedbud
June 14, 2012 at 1:24 pm
Interesting sentence I like it.
Robin C. Pinkman
June 14, 2012 at 5:22 pm
She wasn’t sure what was worse, the way he seemed to chuckle so smugly or the fact that the bastard never tipped more than ten percent–and that was after six or seven refills.
Molly Synthia
June 14, 2012 at 3:08 pm
She was infatuated when the man said, “When I buy a omelet with everything, I’m counting on eggs that are fluffy and light, but this thing is so dense we should send it to Gothenberg,” but it wasn’t love until he named the scientist he’d designate on the package..
Molly Synthia
June 14, 2012 at 3:16 pm
I like energy, but I love power.
Julie
June 14, 2012 at 3:59 pm
Coffee, black — fuck you, lactose intolerance.
Max Hamilton
June 14, 2012 at 4:06 pm
There was something in the air that day, the way rain fell on a diagonal, the smell of coffee and bacon, or the way his eyes looked up at her like James Dean, but something was about to happen.
Julie
June 14, 2012 at 4:07 pm
I knew I had struck gold that day.
Julie
June 14, 2012 at 4:10 pm
Finally a day that would change my life, forever.
Michael Brandt
June 14, 2012 at 4:36 pm
Her svelte physique stuck out in all the right spots, thick as deuterium, and looked better in the little uniform she had to wear to make ends meet than in the lab jacket she preferred.
Robin C. Pinkman
June 14, 2012 at 5:15 pm
“I am apple pie from scratch.”
Brandon
June 14, 2012 at 6:55 pm
The breakfast she lithely placed in front of him drew his attention to the orbs hidden under shirt, orbs that belied the fact that she had an IQ of 180 and had literally stumbled upon the key to unlocking the mystery of the greatest power the world had ever known.
Don Shields
June 14, 2012 at 6:58 pm
It was the best of times, it was the fucking worst of times.
vinster82
June 14, 2012 at 7:40 pm
At worst I was dead, at best I was dead AND buried.
vinster82
June 14, 2012 at 7:53 pm
Perhaps it was the snow giving me the strength to move on, perhaps it was the vodka.
vinster82
June 14, 2012 at 7:54 pm
All at once I knew I loved her unconditionally and there wasn’t a goddamn thing I could about it.
vinster82
June 14, 2012 at 7:54 pm
She felt a heaviness on her heart, and now instead of her discovery, she felt like the expirament; how deep did his love go? Could she measure it like she measured the deuterium ? If so, as powerful as it was2tryis, it wasnt likely to be as deep as it looked.
rell
June 14, 2012 at 8:09 pm
It was a normal day but he knew that things would be altering very quickly throughout it some how.Maybe today is the day the waitress he so lovingly adored loved him back, but instead when she showed him what she’d been experimenting on he discovered he loved something else.
Reese
June 14, 2012 at 8:13 pm
He smiled to himself as he scraped the plate with his spoon, knowing that she wasn’t there, would never be there again, to clear the dish away.
Mikki
June 14, 2012 at 8:15 pm
ever since i left them, every time i wake up—be it the black hours after midnight, the gray sunshine just before dawn, the intense light that bathes mid-afternoon, or the deep, dark blues at gloaming—i have to take a minute to remind myself where i am, and i’m always in the same place.
norman douglas
June 14, 2012 at 8:15 pm
The more you know about the invisible make-up of the world, she thought, the more you appreciate the wonder of a cheap china coffee cup, cobalt blue, with the glaze chipping off on the handle.
Margaret Diehl
June 14, 2012 at 9:11 pm
It was Thursday, good looking guy in booth seven; two eggs over easy with a slice of ham and burnt rye toast, dry – I didn’t have to be a genius to remember that order.
Steve
June 14, 2012 at 11:08 pm
“Two eggs over easy with a slice of ham and burnt rye toast, dry,” I said before he had a chance to order.
Steve
June 14, 2012 at 11:11 pm
Marlon thought the science gag was a ploy to get him from the coffee shop back to her apartment, but when she re-entered the living room wearing a white lab coat and started reciting the benefits of D2O he knew he’d been snared.
Steve
June 14, 2012 at 11:25 pm
“You had me at deuterium,” he said.
Steve
June 14, 2012 at 11:26 pm
As the customer watched in amusement, the waitress slowly lifted her decaying thumbnail from the bowl of chowder, even as she noticed in the mirror that her bald-patch was growing, the results of radiation poisoning…
john flynn mcgondel
June 14, 2012 at 11:30 pm
the minute sonja started her shift at stavro’s diner on saturday morning, everything felt heavy—the half empty plates, the mud-bottomed cups, the pulp-lined juice glasses, her eyelids, her feet—and the way bucky watched her, with puppy dog eyes that told her his heart wanted to burst free from his chest and tumble down the length of his sleeve for her, only added to the sensation that the tiny cube of deuterium she had shown him after last night’s dinner already weighed on her—between them—like a medieval stone round the neck of the heretic wantons whose legacy she had inadvertently inherited.
norman douglas
June 14, 2012 at 11:32 pm
Emptiness guides my ears towards nearing low heals at 8:00 A.M. each morning to quash anxiety from my wrists, as the tremors die down with the dark roast scent almost as timely as hers.
Dave923
June 14, 2012 at 11:42 pm
His mouth watered as he noticed that today her curly red hair was swept off of her graceful neck, however the reaction was neither from the blueberry pie placed in front of him nor her supple skin, but instead the thought of what her mind had discovered, turning him on even more.
Chris
June 15, 2012 at 1:09 am
And at that exact moment, he came to the realization, that ‘Everything is temporary’.
Megan Degrenier
June 15, 2012 at 2:19 am
A frown begins to form from the corner of those guilty lips, looking down at the hands that have caused such sadness, which has turned to suffering, and out of awkwardness a smile produces itself from the other.
md
June 15, 2012 at 2:37 am
Genius could be a fickle mistress.
Steve
June 15, 2012 at 5:12 pm
First he’d stolen Amanda’s heart and then her idea, but he’d been too dense to recognize how brilliant her mind worked beneath the pink ruffles of her Mac’s Diner cap.
Steve
June 15, 2012 at 5:31 pm
If E=MC2, then I was going to expend all my energy to get to her mass in the speed of light.
Don Shields
June 15, 2012 at 5:52 pm
To be loved for your looks is most flattering; but to be loved for your mind can be downright danderous.
mike gilbert
June 15, 2012 at 7:54 pm
With the entire menu commited to memory, she drags her unflattering shoes from table to agonizing table.
mike gilbert
June 15, 2012 at 7:58 pm
Not unlike a vulture, love can be quite the opportunist.
mike gilbert
June 15, 2012 at 8:01 pm
Gabby Locke sighed as she tied her apron around her waist in preparation for another day of shitty tips.
SJ Matthews
June 15, 2012 at 8:03 pm
Closing the door at this point would mean keeping a secret that may prove too hard to live with but walking in the room may ruin her life as well as the life of everyone she loves.
geoserviceprovider
June 15, 2012 at 8:29 pm
Since I just wasn’t fast enough to grab his hand, laughing-boy would have to ride the empty train car to New Orleans without me.
geoserviceprovider
June 15, 2012 at 8:35 pm
Although the first symptom listed was a burning sensation in the midsection, I choose to believe she would never do anything like this to me.
geoserviceprovider
June 15, 2012 at 8:37 pm
Shove this fucking job up your British arse Nigel, you wont have the worm to kick around anymore!
geoserviceprovider
June 15, 2012 at 8:39 pm
“I don’t care how many maids you can afford or how many square feet your house is, or how many drugs I am on, you little brother, are a pussy, and will never be in the position to tell me what to do.”
geoserviceprovider
June 15, 2012 at 8:42 pm
The accident left him homeless, scarred, and missing a thumb, but it would prove to be the best thing that ever happened to the hapless hitchhiker.
geoserviceprovider
June 15, 2012 at 8:45 pm
He regretted the invention of the cell phone because he knew force of his hanging up on her this time couldn’t match loud cur-thunk his grandmother’s rotary phone had made last time he hung up on her 30 years ago.
geoserviceprovider
June 15, 2012 at 8:51 pm
Please daddy, don’t call me Isaac…
geoserviceprovider
June 15, 2012 at 8:52 pm
The Sun gazes at me with a sweltering snare of rage, but this time I gaze back.
Fenix
June 15, 2012 at 10:18 pm
I didn’t expect more than a dollar but the tip he left under his breakfast bill would change the world.
Liza Tanner
June 15, 2012 at 11:00 pm
He had no desire to play the heavy, only the desire to gain her insight into the secrets of the water.
Deborah Robbins
June 16, 2012 at 3:19 am
The irony of what was in the seemingly innocent glass of water she placed on the table held, made him reluctantly give up one of his elusive, sardonic smiles.
Deborah Robbins
June 16, 2012 at 3:28 am
She had poured thousands of glasses of water at the tiny cafe in the New Mexico desert, but the glass she placed before him held the secret to unlocking the ultimate power in the universe.
termite one
June 16, 2012 at 3:32 am
He stared at the rain drops on the glass,the cold ,steel gray sky mirrored his motives as he turned to watch her greet an old local,pouring hot coffee gracefully…she really was beauty…with a brain.
kelly inderrieden
June 16, 2012 at 6:22 am
Flawless. A word that will soon come to a greater meaning to the very ticking of your brain.
Josh Holtzclaw
June 16, 2012 at 10:17 am
The sound of dishes shattering on the floor finally broke their mutual gaze, his tender eyes attempting to deceive her of all that he truly desires, save for his affection.
Victoria
June 17, 2012 at 5:40 pm
Her fortitude for fantasy had been fantastic for childhood playtime, but proved rather unhelpful when she needed to keep simple orders straight.
Victoria
June 17, 2012 at 5:47 pm
If I’d only known you’d be gone today, I would’ve loved you more yesterday.
Jack Gonzales
June 18, 2012 at 2:51 am
Her shift was nearly over, the empty cleaned cups cascaded in the back kitchen, customers scribbled autographs on unappreciative tips, and that black bear snorted hungrily in the dense woods beyond the dumpster.
Sean
June 18, 2012 at 3:09 am
I’m a gentle soul, but I admit, sometimes I condone violence.
Marielle
June 18, 2012 at 4:23 am
There was always an excitatory reaction within the waitress as she poured water into the customer’s glasses.
Tim
June 18, 2012 at 4:14 pm
Angie wrote in lipstick a scientific formula on the bathroom mirror as an impatient restaurant customer pounded on the bathroom door.
Mike
June 18, 2012 at 10:22 pm
H2O, D20…. whatever turns you on!
Brian Kasperitis
June 18, 2012 at 10:32 pm
The pancakes were as heavy as deuterium,the conversation light and fluffy,but ,damn,she couldn’t figure out the tip chart!
Marc Massaro
June 19, 2012 at 3:51 am
NO NO NO, I said I’ve been sweating to get nickles for tips- not for you to get a look at my nipples and tits!!!
Marc Massaro
June 19, 2012 at 4:00 am
As he pulled his glasses from atop his head, where she had pushed them while they kissed, and rested them in their normal reading position at the very tip of his nose, he was surprised at the excitement she was speaking with while she flipped through the worn pages of the notebook she had found.
Andrew Tan
June 19, 2012 at 5:26 am
Her staggering words were stubborn enough to entrap me and the enchanted gaze i watched her with, “it’s just, it’s just that you wouldn’t understand.”
Frederic
June 19, 2012 at 7:10 am
It was only a passing glance but he did remember; it was the last time he saw her alive.
Carl Henegan
June 19, 2012 at 1:26 pm
“Thank you my Lord, it sounds so nice to my ears.
The French word “puissance” hoovers upon my head.
It sounds as powerful as a young male’s prick holding the beat.”
Now she sat back and lighted a straight. She was in love again.
flabberghasted
June 19, 2012 at 8:28 pm
Sometimes very smart people do very stupid things… love, for example.
Vee
June 19, 2012 at 9:07 pm
Alec used to wonder why she never wrote down even the most complicated of orders, but now he understood: she never needed to.
Vee
June 19, 2012 at 9:11 pm
“What is deuterium?” asked the genial-looking gent in the corner booth.
Shannon Cutts
June 19, 2012 at 11:40 pm
As he pulled her close to him she noticed his gaze was not upon her, but over her shoulder at the safe where the Deuterium thesis was secured.
George
June 20, 2012 at 2:53 am
There is a little known corner of a woman’s mind where lie dormant the keys to her heart, that final little spark where science and religion both sip from the same chalice of lust.
Gabe Jae
June 20, 2012 at 12:22 pm
Leader of the Geek Squad, a regular patron of Isotope cafe, ponders a life with his dream girl who has for 12 solid months served him coffee, and pie, and now has shared an orgasmic litany on Chemistry / Elements & Compounds, can it be his dream come true.?
Sandy
June 20, 2012 at 4:06 pm
If she were to add up all of the tips she’d ever received working the lunch shift, divided by the frequency and consistency of each particular customer and then compiled that data into a pie chart, which of course, she could do in her sleep, the biggest portion of the pie would belong to to Harold, she thought, as she served him the largest slice of double crust apple.
Courtney
June 20, 2012 at 8:50 pm
He stared into the eyes of a woman who held secrets more powerful than one could ever imagine.
Megan Phillipy
June 21, 2012 at 8:18 am
The light of dawn just barely touched the diner, but as he walked in she didn’t realize her dreams of being remembered may just be in jeoporady.
Kolbe Dumas
June 21, 2012 at 4:46 pm
He knew he was in love as he stared in amazement at this overbearing, gum chewing, foul mouthed waitress as she recited the periodic table forwards, backwards, alphabetically and by order of discovery while she scribbled the Navier-Stokes equation as it pertains to ketchup with her left hand and a Deuterium formula, one which he’d never seen in his 25 years of research, with her right hand.
Andrew
June 21, 2012 at 5:20 pm
She was scribbling in her notebook when the bell on the door chimed and he walked in, looking at her with that intense look he always had when he saw her.
Kaylie Tucker
June 21, 2012 at 7:04 pm
He watched her with the same lustful eyes that he always watched her with, and wondered what it could be she was writing so quickly in her notebook.
Kaylie Tucker
June 21, 2012 at 7:09 pm
Sighing as she punched in, Rosemarie looked around the shabby diner she waited tables at, wondering what she was doing with her life.
Sarah
June 21, 2012 at 9:05 pm
He forgot the most of what had happen in the hospital.
Christine
June 22, 2012 at 2:55 am
God, now she has to puke the fourth time.
Christine
June 22, 2012 at 2:55 am
There will be not a lot of people left who can cry at his funeral.
Christine
June 22, 2012 at 2:59 am
Two days ago she asked him if everything is okay.
Christine
June 22, 2012 at 3:00 am
He knows a lot of people think he is an asshole, so what?
Christine
June 22, 2012 at 3:00 am
Another one of those fucking bills.
Christine
June 22, 2012 at 3:01 am
That familiar feeling of having to run once again came rushing over her after the opening line of “Dearest Samantha, If you are reading this then something has gone wrong, terribly wrong.”
Andrew
June 22, 2012 at 4:31 am
I tried to handle this day as though it was business as usual, but the excitement from my discovery was overwhelming, and I knew I needed to share this with someone, how would I make my selection?
Abraham
June 23, 2012 at 12:12 am
Every so often extraordinary things happen to simple people, the odds are greater if you are a waitress, and even greater if your being served by a genius.
Abraham
June 23, 2012 at 12:18 am
Thousands of times heavier than water; more dense than the sun’s core; safer than nuclear power! Bryce loves Elle but he loves her discovery more.
LouAnn Savage, Content Writer
June 23, 2012 at 10:34 pm
He noticed the pearls of condensation that decorated the water pitcher she hefted from table to table slowly growing heavier until gravity beat out surface tension and they slipped unseen to the floor, “What’ll it be today?” she asked with a stare that went right through him.
Mike
June 24, 2012 at 5:47 pm
23 steps in this sexual harassment required attire toward the one who strains his neck while he waits, 1082 steps left in my shift, give or take the uncomfortable walk in these heels for the ones passing through town.
Dave923
June 24, 2012 at 6:50 pm
She was going through the list of things she always wanted to ask her mother as she buffed out the water marks on the cheap pitcher in an attempt to move the lazy second hand faster to the twelve.
mallorie
June 24, 2012 at 10:20 pm
[...] over 300 entries (both sites combined) the vast majority of which were beautiful and [...]
Best First Sentence Contest III: Winner Announced - The Journal Pulp
July 3, 2012 at 8:55 pm